


Useless Apologies and Improper Goodbyes

by AvaCelt



Series: Gintama Prompt Fills [14]
Category: Gintama
Genre: M/M, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-02
Updated: 2016-06-02
Packaged: 2018-07-11 17:18:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7062136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AvaCelt/pseuds/AvaCelt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gintoki forgets that Shouyou's disciples are dead and the man he's speaking to doesn't even consider him a friend anymore.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Useless Apologies and Improper Goodbyes

**Author's Note:**

> Written for "Hurt/Comfort Meme." Originally posted on my [Tumblr writing blog](http://victorsandvanquishers.tumblr.com/) and now being archived here for the A03 writing community.

“He didn’t want to see you,” Katsura told him the morning after. “He hates you right now. You can go after him, but it won’t do you much good. He blames you for everything. He’s childish like that.”

“What if he hurts himself,” Gintoki asked hollowly. “What if he can’t take care of himself?”

Katsura shrugged, strapping his furoshiki-wrapped items to his back. “He’ll have to deal with it. Shouyou-sensei meant more to him than this world. He would rather be dead himself than have to deal with sensei being gone. He would rather _we_ had died. Takasugi will have to make peace with himself long before he makes peace with sensei’s soul.” Zura put on his sedge hat, tied the strings, and gave Gintoki a long look. “I’ll be going now. Until we meet again, Gintoki.”

Gintoki didn’t respond and Katsura didn’t ask for one. He trudged off towards the horizon, the early morning sun still cool and calm. Gintoki watched as his friend faded out of sight.

Ten years later, Katsura found himself a new friend who meant more to him than the world, and Takasugi was in a coma he wouldn’t crawl out of, a coma Gintoki knew was mostly his fault.

“You didn’t even say goodbye,” Gintoki scoffed, playing with tufts of Takasugi’s inky, black hair. “Always the brooding asshole, y'know. First you run off when we’re kids so you can play emo at the empty temples, then you run off because you’re angry and sad, and now you’re running off to dreamland because people won’t pay attention to how sad and lonely you are? Seriously?” Gintoki picked a few boogers and wiped them them on Takasugi’s lavender hospital yukata. “You are _such_ an asshole, y'know? I can’t believe I had a crush on you when I was eight. What a mistake. I should have crushed on Zura. I mean, at least he _looks_ like a girl.”

“Zura janai, Katsura da,” Katsura called from behind the sliding door.

“See? Even Zura’s perturbed,” Gintoki drawled. “Maybe true love’s kiss will wake you up?”

“We’re not eight anymore, dipshit,” Takasugi mumbled thickly.

Gintoki grinned, caressing Takasugi’s cheek. “Knew yer bitchass was awake.”

“Shut the fuck up,” grunted the shorter man.

So maybe ten years ago, Takasugi had left without saying goodbye. So maybe, a part of Gintoki died when the person he couldn’t keep his promise to, left without saying goodbye. So maybe, a part of the reason why Gintoki almost chose death was because he never got to say how sorry he’d been that day when Shouyou died smiling.

“I’m sorry.”

Takasugi averted his eyes. “It doesn’t matter anymore.”

But it did, and maybe Gintoki wouldn’t get back the friend he grew up with, or the crush he’d blushed after for months on end when he was young and scrappy, and maybe Takasugi would leave after he recuperated, but ten years was a long time.

“Maybe not, but I’m still sorry.” Gintoki guffawed, playing with the soft cloth of Takasugi’s yukata. “Shoulda said sorry earlier so we wouldn’t have had to resort to stabbing each other. Kagura’s pissed and your friend, the demonic redhead, he kicked up a fuss when we wouldn’t put you in a room with him.”

“He’s my lover,” Takasugi said softly, eyes still fixed on the curtains. “Of course he’d want to be my side.”

“Of course,” Gintoki chuckled, “of course.”

Ten years ago, Takasugi said goodbye to Zura before leaving, but not Gintoki because he couldn’t stand seeing him. Ten years later, Gintoki put his sword through his former friend. A little while later, Gintoki played with his hair and coaxed him out of his coma with sweet words. In any other world, they’d go back to being friends while the straw that broke the camel’s back evaporated into nothingness. There would be no ghosts from the pasts, because they wouldn’t be ghosts to _each other_ anymore.

But that’s not what happens. They part without goodbyes, without proper apologies, and Gintoki has to mark down another name that’ll haunt him for eternity.


End file.
